Whom or what you fear will control you

I’m one of those people who likes to make quirky little rules just to keep things shakin and unpredictable at all times. So, one of my rules is simple: anything my friend Wendy recommends to read, I buy the book and read it. The latest book she recommended was “When People are Big and God is Small” by Edward Welch. In my opinion, the most profound quote Welch makes is “whom or what you need will control you”. When this quote sank into me, I unknowingly rephrased it in my head to “whom or what you fear will control you”. I mean, think about the magnitude of this statement for a minute… WHOM OR WHAT YOU FEAR WILL CONTROL YOU. Before I make my point, consider these questions:

• Question: Why did we practice that sport so much in high school?
• Answer: either because we just loved to play it, we longed for perfection or in fear that we might not be as good as we were suppose to be.
• Expectation: when we are good at something, it usually defines us and we are expected to be good at it.
• Question: Why did we study so hard for those finals our senior year?
• Answer: We feared that we might fail the test and not graduate.
• Expectation: We are expected to pass high school, if not we are failures.
• Question: Why did we buy mums for our homecoming dates?
• Answer: out of fear that if we didn’t we might disappoint them.
• Expectation: In Texas, we are expected to buy the biggest, prettiest mum for our dates.
• Question: Why did we make it home in time to meet our curfew?
• Answer: Out of fear that our parents would punish us.
• Expectation: Our parents expected us to be on time.
• Question: Why do we make sure our projects are due by the due date?
• Answer: out of fear that we might lose our jobs
• Expectation: Our bosses expect us to perform to their standards.

See my point? Much of what we do is driven by fear and much of that fear is driven by expectation. When I refer to fear I intend to use the word in all its potential. In other words, fear = scared, reverence, respect, anxious, afraid, concerned, profound respect (all of which are used in defining the word).

In high school and some of college I daily toiled at the sport I played. However, I didn’t do so because I loved being out there, rather I did so because everyone expected me to be good, so I feared not being good. I feared failing, therefore I practiced every day.

What about those times we just put on some plastic, fake front with certain people? Is that not the same reason I practiced so much? We fear what they may think of us, we fear what they expect of us.

Take a minute to think about your life. What are some of the expectations you live under? How do those expectations drive the fear inside of you?

So here is one of mine: I’m a youth pastor. I’m paid to pastor people, namely students.

• Expectation: I’m expected to know all the answers to theological questions.
• Fear: If I don’t know an answer, I’m a bad pastor, I’m a failure.
• Truth: I don’t know all the answers.
• Expectation: I’m expected to have my own life in perfect order and be above sin.
• Fear: If I sin I should lose my job. If something goes wrong in my life I will let others down. If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.
• Truth: I sin daily, I’m unworthy of my position, I’m far from perfect.
• Expectation: I’m always happy, always excited
• Fear: If I’m not happy I’ll let others down, I’ll poorly represent Christ and the joy of serving Him.
• Truth: Weekly I’m drained, daily I’m dependant and occasionally I want to crawl into a big dark hole and escape the world.

Fear drives us whether we acknowledge it or not. The fear of people drives us, whether we know it or not. We fear what they might think, who we might disappoint or who will judge us. Whom or what you fear will control you.

Now to bring this full circle and bring to life the “profound” part of this statement. If we fear people, they will control us. They will control our thoughts, our guilt and our actions. So, maybe this plays some part in God commanding us to fear Him? Proverbs 1:7 and Psalm 111:10 say that the FEAR of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Proverbs 19:23 says that the fear of the Lord leads to life and whoever has it rests satisfied. David says in Psalm 27 that the Lord is his light and salvation; whom shall I fear? Maybe we should take a hint from David. Maybe we should rest in God’s grace like David did. Maybe we should know God’s sovereignty like David did. Maybe we should ask ourselves: do I fear man more than I fear God? In other words, have I made man big and God small? Maybe Jeremiah 17 should rest deep in our hearts and always be on the fronts of our minds.

Jeremiah 17:5-8

5Thus says the LORD:"Cursed is the man who trusts in man
and makes flesh his strength,
whose heart turns away from the LORD.
6 He is like a shrub in the desert,
and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
in an uninhabited salt land.

7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
8 He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit."